I never know how much I loved and appreciated something I was doing, until I couldn’t do it anymore. In going to southern California this weekend with the Mandarins, I found joy on the other side of the corps, but above that, I wished so badly I could be on that field. All the times before, I wanted to cry, quit, and never look back, but now, I look at these young adults, the future of the Mandarins, and I couldn’t be happier and more miserable. Happy because I was apart of something so painfully difficult, but so rewarding at the same time. Miserable because my time is up. I can only make them some delicious food, and help bring the pit equipment on and off the field. I am okay with that because Mandarins has given me so much that I could never repay with all the sandwiches, gatorade, and chicken patties I make. Now, I have to find the new happy in my life. Drum corps was my happy, and watching my past before my eyes made me realize that I am currently unhappy. Yes, I do have Chris, and my family. He makes me very happy; however, I can’t rely on him for happiness. I alone have to bring the light back into my life. I’m now on the search for my next passion, be it cooking, knitting, hunting, or something that will make my life seem meaningful again. Drum corps is hard to replace.